I still can't decide if life sucks or if I am enjoying myself Yesterday as I was walking home I ran into nice Nicole again, as well as Lori and Graeme. Work today alternated between biting ass and being interesting. Ivana's dropped off the face of the earth, not a word from her for over a week - so I'm giving up on her.
Tearing things down, rejecting the past or trying to crawl back into it outright are no way to build anything new. What has happened has happened, you can't change it and you can't ignore it. You can't take something away without offering something better. These just aren't ways to capture people's imaginations en masse, not in any meaningful way. The only way to build something new and better is to found it solidly in what is past, then hide that foundation in brilliant new construction. It doesn't matter about the rest of the crap off to the sides.
The one of the girls I work with told me the ickiest thing today.
We were talking about high school and ended up talking about dissecting things. She said that in India they don't use frogs anymore because they are becoming endangered... So they use rats.
OK, fine. No biggie. Lab rats. Nothing surprising.
Up to this point I am remembering the formaldehyded frogs we got in high-school, but then she says that she was so good and careful about her dissections that the rat's heart would still be beating when she finished. They used live rats!!!
It's been gestating for years. Lately it has been pushing to the front and becoming more fully formed. This bloody boring bougois ordeal of a job is acting as a sort of catalyst. I know that I won't/can't do this forever. There are things that have bothered me my whole life, things that I've wanted to change and I'm starting to see how I might be able to get the ball rolling. It's a peculiar feeling.
Money is good. There is a simple cure for my hungover Monday malaise: pseudoephedrine hydrochloride and acetaminophen. My head no longer feels like a throbbing snot factory and the "non-drowsy" properties of the pseudoephedrine are compensating nicely for the lack of sleep (which was compounded by some moron ringing my door buzzer at 3:30am). Last week I couldn't afford to buy luxury items like pain-killing decongestants. Not being broke is a very good thing.
Damn but I was angry last night. Some things just piss me off and I lose it. I had a good night's sleep and it is quiet now, but I keep getting these little aftershocks of anger. I can't comprehend the petulant selfishness of most people. Maybe it is because I grew up in apartments and spent my whole life mindful of the noise I make, or maybe it is just that manners and courtesy went out of fashion in the 20th century. Or maybe it is just that most people are trash and too stupid to see past their own noses.
Yesterday as I was walking home I ran into nice Nicole again, as well as Lori and Graeme. Work today alternated between biting ass and being interesting. Ivana's dropped off the face of the earth, not a word from her for over a week - so I'm giving up on her.