Am I a reptoid? Or just a turkey?

In the light of my latest bout of "special stupidity" it occured to me that perhaps there might be a completely spurious pseudo-scientific New Age flakey bullshit rational explaination for my eating habits. Now let's consider the evidence, shall we?

1. Ability to go long periods without eating - just like a SNAKE or LIZARD
2. CENTURIES OLD connections with ROYALTY and KNOWN REPTOIDS - one of my ancestors, Cornelis Huysmans was a court painter for KING CHARLES I of England, an ancestor of QUEEN ELIZABETH who, as we all know, is a KNOWN REPTOID.
3. Connections with international banking - e.g. my grandfather (incidentally married to Maria Josepha Stephanalia CORNELIA HUYSMANS - nice little connection there!) was the chief accountant for a bank that was FOUNDED by the MEDICI. Need I mention how INEXTRICABLY linked the Medici family is with EUROPEAN ROYALTY? Not to mention my own past employment with the ROYAL BANK, HSBC (the largest bank in the world), and others.

Reptoid or turkey, one thing is for certain - I'm bound to taste like chicken either way.