Confused and Holding

So Ivana phoned me invited me over both Saturday and Sunday and I had to decline both invitations for plans already made, in the case of Sunday plans with Shannon. I have no idea what I am doing or what I want. And frankly I don't even want to address these things right now. I want to defer everything until after NYC. I don't know why I expect some kind of epiphany to happen there, but I do. This isn't a vacation, this is a pilgrimage. Is that too much to expect? Am I fool for putting my life on hold for two months?