Trish won't read this because it is too long.

I am tired and bored. If I could fly away tomorrow I would. I'm sure some of this will pass as I get more caffeine into me and feel a little less like killing everyone in the office so I can get a nap before the police show up. It's not that my job is boring, in fact it seems to be becoming less boring. Some of the upcoming projects I've got will be interesting, like building a customisable homepage for the bank's intranet. What's I'm bored with is my life in general.

The funny thing about my boredom, is to the outside observer my life would not seem boring. This weekend for example I was out at the pub on Friday with Brenda (as usual) after which we went to Golden Age Collectables where we get treated particularly well because of our association with Steve, who is a pencil artist for DC. Brenda went with Steve to the comic convention thing in San Diego a few weeks ago and now has sort of a "thing" going with the über-boss at DC (I forget the guy's name). He lives in Brooklyn so if Brenda wants me to I may end up visiting the guy to pickup/deliver things.

For the most part Saturday day was unambiguously boring. I did laundry all day. But that evening I was out at my friend Teresa's for a housewarming. That was fun. The entertainment started with the house next door catching on fire (nothing we did!) and several fire trucks showing up. What really made the party fun was some of her musician friends. My taste for Celtic/Country/Cape-Breton type music may end up getting my Goth Card™ revoked but to hell with it, three guys with a fiddle, guitar and banjo playing Waterboys, Pogues, Hank Williams and the like is fun, damnit!

Sunday I dragged my ass out of bed reluctantly. I had a lot to do and despite needing it, sleep was not a priority. First thing I was off to Elaine's for her final garage sale before she leaves this the far northwestern corner of the old Empire for the far southeastern corner (New Zealand). Her interesting friend Lisa was there so I hung out for quite a while and walked away with a new easel, a video tape box full of movies, and a perfectly brilliant Siouxsie Sioux picture disc from 1978. Not to mention Lisa's e-mail and phone number .

Following the garage sale I was off to Myriam's to help her move into her new home in a queer co-op (Myr is transitioning from male to female). Helping her move was easy enough, she isn't a pack-rat like I am and with our two cars it only took two trips. Afterwords we went for dinner with her friend Sebastian (who is transitioning the other way). As Sebastian and I are talking the number of people we know in common is absurd and I am struck by how the same feeling I used to get in Duncan where everyone knew everyone else. I'm also struck by how, despite being rather ordinary myself, the people who are (in the clinical sense of the words) perverts and deviants have become utterly ordinary to me. The novelty has worn off and the people who have nothing to talk about other than their own deviance are dismally boring (not that either Myr or Sebastian fall into that category). Really, a queer person whose whole persona revolves around who and how they like to fuck is just as dismally dull as a frat boy who does the same thing.

Then it was time to head out to Sanctuary. Not insignificantly I went out of sense of obligation. I hadn't been in a couple weeks and I found myself suffering from a compulsion to update the website. I wasn't in the mood to drink so I drove the Wonder Wagon. For most of the evening I pretty much hung out with Jessica, Velvet Jenn, and Lorra. Trish was there, as was nice Nicole, but something seemed to up with them. It may have just been me, but Trish seemed ticked at me again, or maybe there was something else going on that I don't know about. Seems whenever someone is in a mood I always assume it is my fault. I can probably thank Dianna for that special bit of damage. Regardless, I sure felt like Nicole and Trish didn't want to talk to me so I let them be for the evening. I watched Paul flit around Nicole, clearly with his own crush going on. I can't believe she doesn't notice these things. It was just one of those nights where I watched people do their thing, and the only conversations I had were initiated by other people. One of those was kind of funny in retrospect.

Vanity came up to introduce herself. She came up and held out her hand. In my fine state of mind I thought she was pointing to something in the booth beside me rather than holding out her hand for me to hold. It was a classic "who, me?" type moment and the highlight of my evening. She really is quite pretty and is one of those people who dances so well you can't help but stare. And it that's not just my opinion. Jessica remarked on her dancing after Vanity had finished her helloes and gone away.

I left a little before closing, rather than staying until the bitter end as I usually do. When I returned to my car I was disappointed to see that someone had stolen my skull antenna ball. At least they didn't damage the antenna (not that my radio has worked in six years anyway). However, whatever little perk I got from meeting Vanity and having taken a couple interesting pictures dissolved completely

As I was crawling into bed for my usual fitful five hour nap before facing another week a reassuring thought/feeling came upon me. I felt the same sense of apathy that had begun to grow in my before meeting Ivana making a return. Last November I found myself, gladly, entering in to a state where I didn't care anymore about being alone or lonely. It was liberating. Then along came Ivana to mess it/me all up. I'm tired of looking. I'm tired of caring. My message to the word? Say something interesting or go away. Give me another drink and play some music I want to dance to. Distract me or let me celebrate my misery in peace.

Vancouver feels like it has closed in on me. I love this place, I can't deny that, but I'm more and more frequently itching for some kind of change. My vacation in NYC seems too far away. I am looking forward to new people and new places... something to give me a jump-start to effect some changes in my everyday life.

And speaking of change, it turns out I am having some impact on the corporate culture here. I brought a few toys in to put on my desk and routinely listen to CD's while I am working. Stuff I have always considered normal work stuff, but I can't emphasise enough how square this place can be. Lately I have noticed toys appearing on other people's desks and I'm not the only one wearing headphones anymore. Subtle subversions are good.