I am dumber than dirt

I spent the last two weeks thinking that Ivana didn't want to talk to me anymore because she never got back to me after I asked her out to dinner. So here I am not mentioning it, pretending not to be hurt and talking myself into crushes. Well, it turns out that she thought I was to get back to her and it was I who did not want to talk to her.

Every time my MSN messenger made a login bloop for the last two weeks I would run across the apartment to see if it was a message from her. Then I would try to convince myself that I wasn't disappointed when it wasn't. The phone would ring and I would hope it was her and it never was. Yet all the while she isn't calling because she thinks I don't want to hear from her.

So now I am just plain confused. I just spent two weeks intentionally not mentioning her or thinking about her. Now I'm second-guessing all of my feelings. I had almost sold myself on a different life, the one without her. And I don't know what she wants. I don't know what I want.

Somebody just kick me in the head and knock some sense into me. Please.

Oringinal post: http://mbarrick.livejournal.com/60803.html