Damn

Nostalgia is bad. I have this plan of putting most of my old photographs up on my website and was going to scan a bunch in last night. I pulled out my old photo albums and that's when I started to get bummed. My big mistake was looking through my wedding album. It just so happens I got an overdue notice from my lawyer yesterday for the money I still owe on the divorce (fortunately the due date is 3 days after I get paid so I will manage). Then walking home I saw someone who looked so much like my ex-wife that I found myself staring from across the street for a moment before I realized it wasn't her. And finally now I had an invitation to a party next Saturday afternoon that in all likelihood she will be at. Fuck.

Maybe it is a good thing. I miss who she was, who she pretended to be. But whenever I see her in person I end up hating her all over again. Maybe it is time for a booster shot. Five minutes in the same room with her and I am good for another couple of years.

If I unambiguously had a girlfriend I wouldn't mind so much. It's when I am alone that I start thinking stupid thoughts. And - I may as well fess up to it - it would be a lot easier to face her girlfriend if I had one of my own.

Stupid, fucked-up life. Maybe I'll get lucky and get hit by a bus... oh, wait... they're on strike. Just my luck...

Oringinal post: http://mbarrick.livejournal.com/38580.html